A Big Decision
We knew from the beginning of our relationship that we wanted a family. Being a same-sex male couple, there are only two options for that, and adoption seemed to fit our family. We love the opportunities adoption creates for families and birthmothers. We feel that it is important for adoptees to know where they came from as well. Once we knew our choice was adoption, we needed to figure out who we wanted to work with to make our dreams come true.
Researching different companies and reading about what options we had was the first place to start. Once we met with LifeLong staff, we felt at home. We loved what they stood for and felt Lifelong would be a great fit for what we were looking for in a company. Our families were so supportive, and so were our friends. We honestly could not have asked for more unwavering support and love.
The Road to Opportunities
We were trying to wait for the perfect time to adopt, perfect job situation, and perfect financial situation but ultimately decided there would be no perfect time, so we took the plunge. We tried self matching, which did not work out because there are so many scammers out there.
When you are working on your profile and thinking about what to say, it is easy to overthink everything. We tried hard to make everything perfect, almost to the point where we were selling ourselves and trying to create what we thought the birthmom would want rather than be ourselves. Kevin had put that his dream vacation was a Lord of the Rings vacation in New Zealand. Adam thought it would make us sound nerdy and stop an expectant mother from choosing us. Ironically, it was that exact reason that our expectant mother chose us. This is just one example of letting go since being yourself always wins.
We had some matches along the way that did not work out, but when that one final call happened, our lives changed. We had given up, and we started looking into other options, like surrogacy. We were down and felt that adoption would not work out for us. We had talked with LifeLong staff about our concerns, and as more time passed, we began to give up. As soon as we let go is when everything worked out. We had secured a surrogate and the next day we got a call from LifeLong that we had been chosen. We were so excited, but at the same time, we tried to prepare ourselves if this did not work out.
Family of Three
The expectant mother called Adam and said she was going to the hospital and was being induced. We had our bags packed already because it was close to her due date. She said, “I am having this baby today whether they like it or not.“ She was not wrong, because Taran was born, and we instantly fell in love! There is no other experience that is anything like it. Nothing else mattered, and all the tears we had cried became worth it. Everything became clear on why the journey looked the way it did. All roads led to that moment that would forever change our lives.
We have a great relationship with Taran’s birthmother and cherish the addition she is to our family. She came out for Taran’s first birthday, and she is planning on coming out again around Christmas. We video chat with her often and talk on the phone and text regularly. She even donated eggs to us so that Taran can have siblings. We could never imagine how amazing and beautiful this all could be, but we are so thankful to her and LifeLong for making our dreams come true.
If we could give any advice, it would be to just let go and trust the process. Having a community was helpful when times were tough. One thing that was such a huge help for us was meeting our neighbors who also adopted. Hearing what they went through helped us so much and helped align expectations. Talk through what you are feeling and know that you are not alone in this.